Polished Rose
Polished Rose
A First Revision. Need your critiques please?
Waiting For The Rain
We stood upon the hill that day,
like a hovering cloud,
bearing black against a summer day.
I was huddled with the crowd
and searching for the shade,
as the willful sky remained unswayed.
I had to deal with the fact that the earth
was entitled,
as it sorts out our lives in natural ways;
but the thought of it all was caught in my eyes,
and all I could see was a past away,
And you,my friend,
you are there each day.
But I keep my ceremonial ways;
a year from now, still polished in stone,
will bear another rose, another candle,
another voyage home;
Another chance to wile the day.
And I'll run forever barefoot along your grass,
because I am entitled too.
These sills have gathered far too much dust,
and have born the heaviness of your name.
Though Your absence, Your memory has been the sun in my eyes,
I still wait for the rain.
I like the emotions behind this poem a lot. I feel like it needs a little work, though.
Your rhyme scheme kind of breaks down, which makes it feel like you gave up in the middle of your poem. Also, what do you mean by "entitled?" I am not sure of its context here. Entitled to what? If you could explain that I think it would help me make some suggestions.
Don't get discouraged!
Sterling Silver Polished Rose Ring
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1 Carats 25mm BLACK Rough ROSE CUT POLISHED DIAMONDS | |
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POLISHED ROSE QUARTZ BRACELET ONE SIZE FITS ALL | |
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Polished Rose Quartz from Madagascar 25 3x2 | |
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Johnson-Rose Polished Cast Aluminum Pie Marker, 8 Cuts List Price: $10.99 Sale Price: $6.80  |
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Tags: concrete, fittings, handles, polished, polished rose quartz, ring
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 1:37 am and is filed under Metaphysical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.